Wednesday, January 28, 2015

week 3

one good deed a day

an ongoing journal of a few good deeds throughout this year

15. jan 15. take a walk, looking as far into the distance as possible » This was our first walk without our sweet Grace…  Really just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other right now.  Remembering the way she would run ahead, but always look back, as if asking… mom, are you coming?  I miss her sweet goofy face so much.
16. jan 16. offer a kleenex to a person in need » We decided to try and visit the local theatre as a little distraction, try to clear our heads a bit of this horrible week.  I brought an entire box of kleenex with me, just knowing I would go through them… And instead ended up offering it to the woman next to me.  (Although this example was not written in my book's pages, I found it to be the perfect good deed for today.  I added to the blank pages at the end entitled- what else can you do?)
17. jan 17. talk about what you're grateful for » This was so hard, yet so important.  As we are trying to find ways to cope with our loss, we are really striving to focus on all the good & wonderful things we have shared with each other and with Grace throughout our lives.
18. jan 18. choose the longer walk home » On all our daily walks, I would always let Grace choose which path to take… somedays it would be the shorter route and on others she would surprise me by picking the longer route.  But those routes were still just a bit shorter than the one we used to take… She hadn't been able to take it in a while because the distance proved to be just a little too much for her tired legs.  So today my hubby & I chose this one once more… And we talked & we smiled while thinking of her.
19. jan 19. make up your own family holiday to celebrate » There are two girls in our neighborhood that met & visited with Grace over the summer last year. They would ring our doorbell just to pet her & love on her… And I just knew the day would come when they would come knocking again… And I dreaded it. Just the thought & telling their innocent smiling faces, made my stomach turn. I assumed we would have plenty of time, it's winter after all… But you see… It has been the most beautiful day. 72 degrees… sunshine, and only the slightest breeze on your face. And guess what, our doorbell just rang. "Is Gracie taking her nap?" "No honey, she is in Heaven now… But she loved you guys coming by to visit her." So hard. We had a moment & said okay, and she left. And only a few short minutes later my doorbell rang again. She was back with her siblings… And they asked us… "Since she's gone already, would it be okay if we have a birthday party for her every year to celebrate her life?" My heart is so full.
20. jan 20. take a long bath » I may be the only woman on earth that doesn't do this… pretty much ever.  I always choose the practicality of the shower instead.  Today however, this proved to be exactly what I needed.
21. jan 21.  offer your respects, always » I need to remember I'm not the only one hurting & that all the support we have received should be shared in the hopes of comforting other friends experiencing the same hurt and loss.

I never meant for my good deeds to feel sad, or be about myself… however these were all in the book.  I've always believed- we can't choose what will happen to us, or when it may happen, but we can choose how we react to it.  Right now my heart needs time… it continues to ache for my sweet Gracie girl, & I know it may need a lifetime to heal.  It's been comforting to know that as I am going through this project, I am realizing good deeds for yourself are just as important as those that you choose to do for others.  --  Recently, we have been blessed with beautiful days, completely uncharacteristic for January, including record high temperatures in the 70s & 80s.  This was our first sunrise without her (after weeks & weeks of grey).  Lately, I find myself strolling our usual routes & I can't help but look to the sky, seeking the sun's warmth… and it brings me such joy to picture my pretty girl's smiling face.  

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